Inner Pain
by Kage Nightray
Summary: Seamus has been acting oddly... will Dean be able to figure out what's wrong in time to help? One-shot, could be interpreted as slash, but mainly friendship. Takes place in eighth year.


"Fat."

"Ugly."

"Worthless."

These words rang through Seamus's head as he ran towards King's Cross Station. He needed to get there, get away from his tormenter. At Hogwarts, he would be safe. No one would mock him there.

Or would they?

This thought made Seamus stop short. What if his friends thought the same way as his father? What if they they too thought of him that way, but didn't say anything? A little voice in the back of his head said that his friends were too nice for that, but he ignored it. Seamus began to despair. How could he make it stop? How could he prevent them from seeing this side of him, the side that his father always felt was necessary to point out?

Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. He would simply have to try harder to lose weight. Why hadn't he thought of this before? He knew he always ate too much, so all he would have to do is eat less. It couldn't be that hard, right? Better yet, what if he didn't eat at all? Then he couldn't possibly gain weight, and would have to lose it.

With this new resolution in mind, he continued on to the station, ready to meet his friends.

A couple months into school, Seamus was feeling frustrated. Why wasn't he losing any weight? Whenever he looked in the mirror - something he avoided whenever other people were around - he still saw himself the way he was before coming to Hogwarts:fat, ugly, unlovable. He didn't understand it. He had eaten next to nothing, always tricking his friends into believing he had eaten. So why wasn't it working? With a sigh, he put his shirt back on, not noticing how big it was on him.

Dean was getting worried. Something was wrong with his best friend, but he couldn't figure out what it was. So, he did the same thing that all Gryffindors do when they have a problem they cannot solve on their own: He went to find Hermione.

Hermione wasn't really that surprised when Dean came to ask her for help; she had noticed that Seamus's behavior was off weeks ago. So, when Dean finally did come to her, she sat down with him to create a list of all of the things Seamus was doing that they found 'odd', and from there they could figure out what exactly was wrong with him.

After half an hour or so of conferring, they, with a little help from Luna(who had joined them a few minutes after the had started), had finally come up with a complete list of Seamus's odd actions over the past couple months:

He always got up early to go to breakfast(normally he overslept and they had to bring him food)

He would always shower at odd times, such as the middle of the night or while everyone was at lunch

He seemed to be avoiding mirrors at all costs.

No one had seen him eat since they returned from summer holidays(although he would randomly get up in the middle of the night and borrow Harry's cloak to go to the kitchen)

He staunchly refused to talk about his summer holidays.

He would often disappear into the Room of Requirement, not letting anyone else in, and not telling anyone what he did there.

He seemed to not be getting very much sleep.

He had finally lost his baby fat.

He wasn't as exuberant as he usually was.

He hadn't blown anything up yet this school year.

Hermione stared at the paper, puzzled. "I really don't know what to make of this. Most of these seem to just be odd, unrelated quirks," she said finally, looking back up at Dean and Luna.

"You mean it isn't obvious?" Luna asked, looking at her friends in disbelief. Dean and Hermione looked at her confused. "I would have thought you two would know about this, being Muggle-raised..." she trailed off, sounding completely confused.

"Well, why don't you tell us what is so obvious, then?" Dean asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Ginny appeared to drag her off to their next class, leaving behind a very confused Dean and Hermione. The two talked for a few minutes more, trying to figure out what Luna could have meant, before Hermione also had to leave for a class. This left Dean alone in the library, no closer to figuring out what was wrong with his best friend when he had started. With a sigh, he left to head for the common room. With any luck, Seamus would be there or in their dorm, and he could just ask the boy what was wrong.

Fortunately for Dean, Seamus was in the dorm room, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. When he heard Dean come in, he sat up quickly, absently noting that the movement made him a little light-headed and dizzy.

"Heya Dean, whatcha doin' up here? Thought you had class," Seamus said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Dean shook his head. "Not for another hour or so. I was wondering if you'd play a game of chess with me? We could go down to the kitchens to play and get some food to eat while we play," he suggested, internally frowning as he noticed how thin his friend looked. He knew Seamus hadn't looked that way at the beginning of September, and he can't have lost so much weight so quickly, could he?

Seamus frowned. He couldn't eat, no, that would ruin his plans, but he couldn't exactly tell Dean that, now could he?

"Nah, let's just play up here. I'm not that hungry right now, just had a snack," he lied, knowing Dean had never been able to tell whether or not he was lying, a fact that had hurt him before, but that didn't matter right then.

"All right. Let's go down to the common room, then, the chairs'll be more comfortable than the floor," Dean said, still feeling a little worried about his friend, but trusting his word that he had just eaten.

If only he knew how wrong that was.

As the Christmas holidays drew closer, Dean was still no closer to figuring out what was wrong with Seamus. He never had any real chance to talk to Luna after that day, and if he didn't know any better, he'd think she had forgotten all about it. In the meantime, Seamus only seemed to be getting thinner, paler, more tired. Dean was feeling frustrated and didn't know what to do. On top of everything else, he needed to decide whether or not he should go home for the holidays. On one hand, his family wanted him home as much as possible since he had been on the run for most of last year. On the other hand, Seamus was staying at Hogwarts this year, which was unusual for him. Dean simply didn't know how to decide who was more important.

As it turned out, he wouldn't have to.

A week before the holidays started, Dean still hadn't made up his mind. He was off in search of Seamus, to see if the boy wanted him to stay or not. As he was heading to Gryffindor Tower to find Seamus, he ran into the boy going in the other direction.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Dean said, grinning at the smaller boy. Seamus could only manage a half-hearted smile in reply.

"Sorry, but I've got to go right now, I'll talk to you later, yeah?" he said, before running off.

Dean spun around and began running after him. "Shay, wait up!" he called just as Seamus seemed to trip over something and tumbled down the stairs. Dean could only watch in horror.

"Shay!" he cried, racing down the stairs to where Seamus's unmoving body lay. He felt for the boy's pulse, and let out a sigh of relief when he found it. He scooped the boy up into his arms and began running for the hospital wing, noticing as he ran that his friend was much too thin.

"Madam Pomfrey!" he shouted as he burst into the hospital wing.

"Mr. Thomas! There is absolutely no reason to be shou - what in Merlin's name happened?!" Madam Pomfrey gasped, seeing Seamus's sorry state.

"He fell down the stairs. Please, can you do a full check on him? He's way too thin, before now he was always a little on the chubby side, but now he's not, and he's been acting funny, and I don't know what happened -"

"That's enough, child, I'll check on him," Madam Pomfrey cut off his rambling, speaking in a gentle voice.

Dean set his friend down on one of the beds and sat down on the one next to it, shaking slightly. Madam Pomfrey ignored him as she began running her wand up and down Seamus's body, healing the injuries caused by the fall. Once she finished that, she began a basic health scan to see what had caused his condition to become so frail. She summoned some potions and spelled them directly into his stomach before turning back to Dean, her face grim as she informed Dean of Seamus's condition.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Finnigan here has become anorexic. He's eaten hardly anything over the past few months, and it will be some time before he regains his strength. Additionally, he has a concussion from his fall earlier, and that is something I cannot heal with magic, not without risking causing serious brain damage, at least. He is going to need constant supervision over the next couple weeks, and that is something I am afraid I do not have time for. Perhaps you could stay over the holidays and watch over him?"

Dean stared at her blankly for a minute before he processed what she had said. "Of course I'll stay and keep an eye on him. He is going to be okay though, right?" he asked worriedly, looking over at his small friend.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "That will depend entirely upon Mr. Finnigan. If he wants to get better, he will. If not... then there is not much I can do to change that. If you'll excuse me, I must inform the Headmistress of Mr. Finnigan's condition. If anything unusual happens, or if he wakes up, please send word to me." With that, Madam Pomfrey left the hospital wing, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

He pulled a chair up next to Seamus's bed and sat there, staring at his friend. "Oh, Shay, why didn't you tell me there was something wrong? I could've helped you," he whispered, shaking his head.

Over the next couple days, a few people came in to visit Dean and Seamus, but Dean never payed any attention to them. He just continued to look at Seamus, waiting for his friend to wake up. Finally, three days after Dean had brought Seamus to the hospital wing, Seamus's eyes fluttered open. He looked up at Dean, who was staring blankly out the window.

"Wha' happened?" he asked groggily, struggling to sit up.

Dean turned to look at Seamus, and his face lit up when he saw that his friend really was awake. "You fell down the stairs, you big idiot," Dean replied as he helped Seamus sit up. Dean's face darkened as he remembered the other reason that his friend would have to stay in the hospital wing.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Seamus asked, not liking the look on his friend's face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked quietly, staring at the ground.

"What are you talking about, mate?" Seamus laughed nervously. He couldn't know about that, could he?

"Why haven't you been eating?" Dean asked, staring his friend directly in the eye. Seamus looked away, unable to meet his friends gaze.

"Tell me, Shay."

Seamus's eyes filled with tears, but he continued to just stare at the sheets.

"Shay, look at me." Seamus looked up into his friend's dark eyes, concern written all over his face. "Shay, I just want to help you. But I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Please tell me, Shay?" Dean begged.

"I'm fat."

Dean blinked. "What?"

"I told you. I'm fat, and ugly, and worthless, and I was scared that you guys would realize that, so I decided to make sure you never could. But it didn't work, I'm still fat, even though I haven't been eating, even though I've been exercising, it's not working, and I don't know what to do!" Seamus wailed, burying his face in Dean's shirt.

Dean wrapped his arms around the crying boy, rubbing small circles on his back to help calm him. "Oh Shay, you're not fat. You weren't before, and you certainly aren't now. You're not ugly or worthless either. Why would you think that?" Dean asked, horrified. Had someone said this to Shay? No... no one could be that cruel... but where did he get that idea then?

Seamus mumbled a reply into Dean's shirt. "Could you repeat that a little louder, please? I couldn't hear you," Dean said softly.

"Me... me dad," he said after pulling away from Dean a little bit. He tried to pull away further, but Dean held him in place.

"Your dad said that to you?"

Seamus nodded in reply, and tried to pull away again, only for Dean to pull him back into a hug.

"Don't you believe a word of what he says, Shay. He's wrong. Don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you differently, understand me?" Dean pulled away a little bit at this last part so that he could look Seamus in the eyes when he replied.

"Is that true, Dean? You're not lyin' to me?" Seamus asked in disbelief. Dean smiled.

"Have I ever lied to you, Shay?" he asked. Seamus thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Then why would I lie to you now?"

Realizing the truth of Dean's words, Seamus began crying again, and Dean continued to hug him, waiting for the boy to stop crying. Several minutes later, after Seamus had finally calmed down, Dean spoke again.

"Shay, can you promise me something?"

Seamus nodded in response.

"Make sure you eat properly from now on, and take proper care of yourself? So this never happens again? You really scared me this time, I thought I was going to lose you."

"Okay, I promise."

"Good. Don't ever forget that promise."

"I won't."

It took a few weeks, but eventually Dean got Seamus back to the point where he could eat normal-sized meals. Seamus began gaining weight again, which upset him at first, until Dean told him his low weight had been unhealthy and that he needed to be gaining weight to be healthy again. By the time graduation came around, Seamus was back to a healthy weight and acting like his normal, goofy self. Dean was never happier.


End file.
